Do Not Disturb
by Patented Disaster
Summary: Emmett prefers to ruin Jasper's quiet time with Alice by presenting Alice with her birthday present, and he doesn't plan to let Alice get away with not using it. Fluff, AxJ, AU


Alice and I were in our bedroom, silent. I wouldn't complain, even if the thirst was burning in my throat. Whatever made my Alice happy instantly made me happy. I assessed her mood quickly, trying to figure out the silence. She was blank, like a picture on the wall or a blank piece of paper. Unless you put something on the paper, it just sat there, and you could never see or hear the things happening in a developed picture; it was just there, with unseen emotions and thoughts. I sighed, enjoying Alice's touch.

Her fingers traveled slowly over me, soft as feathers over the raised scars that covered me like a blanket of crescent moon shaped snowflakes. I watch her hand follow the complicated web of scars, and through human eyes like Edward's precious Bella, it would have looked like she was running her fingers along my chest randomly, but Alice and I knew each other more than anyone in this household. We knew every line, every mark, every scar. Alice had claimed she could trace the pattern of my scars in thin air and match it perfectly.

I was content, lying here in this bed with my wife. I was perfectly happy not moving an inch and lying here motionless for the rest of my existence. Alice didn't seem to mind much either. But when Alice went rigid and her mood changed abruptly blank, I was concerned.

An obvious vision, but I couldn't help but let myself get very protective of her. I squeezed her hand and she growled. I had obviously distracted her, and she wasn't fully focused.

Alice shook her head a bit, and I turned to look at her. The veil left her eyes, and she sat up quickly. Her fingers moved quickly up her blouse, buttoning the ones that weren't fastened. I wished she hadn't.

"Jazz, Emmett's going to burst in the room in oh... thirty seconds or so. With my birthday present." Her lips turned up slightly in the corners and she jumped off the bed, landing with an audible thud on the carpet. I turned my head to look at her stare out the window quickly. All her quietness was fading away, being slowly replaced with excitement. She obviously had something planned, and though I enjoyed seeing her brilliant and radiant smile when she surprised me (which she often did; counting days and dates weren't important to me). So, though I was very stubborn about what she (or in this case, no one) purchased for me, I was able to have a party. I shivered as a whisper of a thought that tragic birthday...Bella's birthday...

I distracted myself from the horror of a thought. "He's hesitating." I murmured, straining my ears. I heard Emmett's heavy footsteps on the stairs...a rustling noise...Wrapping paper, perhaps? A quick murmur from Esme, and his breathing. He was just outside my door, but Alice was lying on my chest now. Light fingers traced my jaw, and I couldn't resit. I took her face in my large hands and kissed her ravishingly.

We both jumped as the door was pushed open, Emmett jumping in. "SUPRI- Aw, God damnit, get a room!" He grumbled. His happy mood vanished. Alice sat up and twisted around, though it seemed to happen all in one movement. I rolled my eyes.

"We're in a room, Emmett. Our room. And this isn't half as bad as some of the things I walk into with you and Rose." Alice mumbled, jumping off the bed and once again refastening the buttons I'd happened to undo. She grinned smugly at Emmett's mortified expression. I hadn't noticed the red bag at his side until now. It was crumpled in his effort to sheild his eyes (a very immature gesutre. It _was_ just a kiss), and it was filled with white wrapping paper shoved sloppily inside it.

"I got ya a present, Alice. Happy birthday." He threw the bag across the room, and I sat up quickly to snatch it; Alice was too preoccupied with fixing a frame hanging crookedly on the wall. Emmett sat down on the floor, his gold eyes resting on Alice. He crossed his thick muscled arms over his broad chest and waited patiently for my bride to open his gift.

Alice snatched the bag from my and nestled down on the carpet. I adjusted my position on the bed so I would be able to see both Emmett and her. She stared at the bag for a few moments.

"Really, Alice. I'm sure you already know what it is." Emmett rolled his eyes when she shook her head. It stirred the dust motes floating in the room.

"I wasn't focusing. Really, Jazz, you're rubbing off on me." She laughed lightly, like diamonds falling on glass, and proceeded to rip the paper out (and still look graceful) and pick out the gift wrapped inside.

I covered my mouth and tried to hold back my sniggers. Alice's puzzled expression was simply adorable, and what made it even funnier was that she was holding a grey army hat. My mind flashed back quickly to Peter and Charlotte and Maria. I let the thoughts fade away as quickly as they came.

"A hat?" Alice squeaked. Her fingers ran over the brim of the hat. It reminded me of my uniform back in Texas. "And... grey. It looks like I could be a train conductor."

"Jasper thinks it's quite the joke." Emmett commented, nodding towards my expression. I stopped when Alice glared at me.

"It's a hat. What am I supposed to do with it?" She stuffed the wrapping paper back into the bag, blowing loose strands of hair out of her eyes. She held the hat in her hands, and murmured a quiet thank you to Emmett.

Emmet got up and exhaled loudly. "Oh Alice, really. You're making me feel bad. But I'm going to let you enjoy your hat-"

Alice waved her hand, jumping up with the hat. "Emmett how am I-"

"I'll leave now." He pivoted for the door, a signature 'Emmett' grin on his face.

"But Emmett, the hat how am I supposed to enjoy-" But Alice was stopped by the door. It shut with a loud smack against the doorframe. I realized I hadn't moved since Alice glared at me.

Alice stood, puzzled, staring at the door for a few moments. She wandered over to her mirror and put the hat on. I admired it from across the room. "It's kinda cute." She grumbled reluctantly. She straightened the hat on her head and turned around, a playful smile on her lips. "Whaddya think?"

I laughed, and she wandered over to me, laying down on me again. I wrapped my arms around her waist. "It fits. I always wondered what you would look like in uniform." Her response was a laugh, and she took the hat off to examine it thoroughly. Her fingers poked and prodded at the fabric.

"Wasn't your color blue?" She murmured thoughtfully. She must have been referring to the civil war.

I shook my head, taking the cap and putting it on her head. It looked good there, on top of her head. He brushed the hair back. "The Confederate wore grey, the Union wore the Blue uniforms." She was about to speak, but Emmett burst through the room.

"No! I said enjoy the gift!" He was grinning, obviously teasing, but Alice writhed under my grip and sat up. I sat up too, and she adjusted to sitting in my lap. I stared at Emmett, bored, while Alice babbled on about her hat.

"Emmett, it's a hat. What do you expect me to do with it, play dress up?" Her voice was annoyed, and it irked me to let feel her emotions all confused. He shrugged and exited the room.

She turned back around and faced me, her lips puckered and her eyes were annoyed. "Emmett." She said, her tone was teasing, but I didn't care much for his interruptions.

"Anyways, like I was saying. We were the grey uniform. Though some soldiers wore a navy blue, and we... mistook them for the enemy on the field." She looked down at her palms, and I tried to block the memories out from my head.

"You're not enjoying your present." Emmett grumbled. Alice and I both looked up, and Emmett was leaning in the doorway, obviously amused with his little game. I sat up, and Alice jumped off the bed.

"Okay, Emmet, how the heck am I supposed to enjoy my present when it's _a freaking hat?_" She looked really tiny compared to her massive brother. She held the hat in her clenched fist. A look of mock hurt crossed Emmett's face.

"Well. _I_ thought you liked it." Edward laughed from downstairs, and Alice peeked curiously around Emmett for a second. "But I can always take it back..." Emmett reached for the hat, but Alice yanked it out of his reach.

"This isn't just you. This is you and Edward!" She growled, stalking out of the room. The atmosphere had changed in the most odd ways in the past minute. I was thoroughly confused, but Emmett just grinned at me stupidly. I nodded to him and got up.

I cringed when I herd Alice from downstairs. "Edward Anthony Mason Cullen!" She shrieked. "Leave me alone for the last time! _Let me enjoy my birthday with my husband!_" If I could blush, I would have. Emmett winked before disappearing out the room and down the hall.

"We are simply teasing you Alice." Edward grumbled. Alice made a disgusted noise. I wandered out of the room and leaned over the wall to peek at what Alice was doing downstairs. She was glaring at him, blocking his view from the TV. Emmett plopped down beside him.

"Well you better stop." Alice argued. Emmett laughed a loud bellow that echoed off the walls.

"Yeah. Right."

"Fancy the things Jasper tells me about. You never knew that he actually tells me the things you guys talk about on your hunting trips, right?" Alice was smug; she was obviously going to win this argument.

Emmett was silent for once, and Alice continued. "Well, Jasper told me this really funny thing bout Rose the other day..." Rose hissed from somewhere in the house, and Emmett swore.

"Fine, I'll quit it." They said in unison. Alice sighed and walked slowly back upstairs. I darted back upstairs, and Alice wandered in, her shoulders hunched over. She was completely out of the mood I had tried to get her in.

"Edward get out of my head!" She yelled, jumping back out to the hall. I heard Emmett jog down the stairs and jump on the couch, probably damaging it somehow.

I laughed, and Alice came back into the room, only to shut the door and fall back on the floor.


End file.
